Extreme Measures
by American Soldier
Summary: Second installment of the ‘Extreme Series.’ A month and a half later, and Xander is questing for the gold. When does an obsession become unhealthy?
1. Chapter 1

Extreme Measures

Extreme Measures

Disclaimer: own nothing.

A/N: timeline is majorly screwed with.

Summary: Second installment of the 'Extreme Series.' A month and a half later, and Xander is questing for the gold. When does an obsession become unhealthy?

A/N: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the Extreme Series! I am your host, American Soldier! At this time, the Extreme Series would like to thank its sponsors: , whose diligent efforts in providing fanfiction writers an outlet is very much appreciated; Joss Whedon and all owners of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, whose hard work has given us such interesting characters to mold in any way we want; and, special thanks goes out to Paul Heyman and all behind the phenomenon known as Extreme Championship Wrestling! Now, ladies and gentlemen…are you ready for Extreme Measures?

I said, ARE…YOU…READY!!

Then, for the thousands reading this fic in America, and the millions reading around the world…LLLLLLLEEEETTTTTTTTTSSSSS GET READY TO RUUUMMMMMBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEE!!

(Always wanted to do that. Anyway, on with the show. Enjoy.)

ҖECWҖ

ECW came on the air, with footage of the classic match between Xander Harris, Sabu, and Taz, with footage focusing on Sabu, Xander, Faith, and Mike Awesome.

"Over a month ago, Xander Harris, the ECW World Television Champion, won his second major title, even if it is unofficial," Paul Heyman's voice came over the footage, "Now, with the FTW Championship in hand, Xander has taken on the Gladiator, Mike Awesome, and the Homicidal, Suicidal, Genocidal Maniac known as Sabu, with none other than the Dark Slayer, Faith, at his side as the two groups wage war. After numerous classic battles, Xander made a shocking announcement!"

The scene cut to Xander, dressed in his jeans and ripped up _Army of Darkness_ t-shirt, with both the FTW and TV Titles on, with Faith and Jono standing nearby.

"Sabu, Awesome, you sons of bitches," he shouted into the match, "You two simply can't live with the fact that I beat you, that WE beat you! You've interfered in our business, you've fucked us up a few times, and now, we're just damn sick of it!! So, we're gonna take something from, something that means a lot to you!! We, me and Faith, challenge you to a tag team match, with YOUR ECW Tag Team Belts on the line!!"

"Xander had previously said that he wants nothing to do with titles other than the ones he already has, but Sabu and Mike Awesome have pushed him too far," Paul picked up, "Now, he's going to take what's theirs! And he's gonna make them pay!!"

ҖECWҖ

"Hey, Faith, can I talk with you for a second," Jonathan asked.

"Sure, what's up," Faith said as she and Jono started walking around the arena.

"It's just that…" he took a moment to gather himself, then said, "Has Xander been acting weird lately, or is it just me?"

"Well, he has been a bit moody lately," Faith responded, "But, he's been real tightly wound with this Sabu/Awesome bullshit, and he still feels like crap over what he did to Rob."

"I suppose," Jono said, "It's just…I dunno, he seems different somehow."

"Well, he is different," Faith said, "He's trying to get even with these guys, and I don't blame him, especially after the way Sabu fucked him up that one time."

Jonathan nodded. During the rematch for the FTW Title, Sabu had done a hurracanranna from the top rope, sending Xander down to the floor and into a set-up table with barbed wire all over it. He could definitely understand being pissed off about that.

"Yeah, but, what about his moments," Jono continued, "There're times when he's so deep in thought, you can't break him out of it. Well, I mean, you can, but I can't. And the times when he's mad for no reason, then he just calms down and acts like himself. It's like he's got split personalities or something!"

"He probably just feels tightly wound," Faith said, "But, I see where you're coming from. We've talked about it, and he's promised to keep himself from lashing out at us. Unless, you know, it's a constructive medium…like the bedroom."

"TMI, Faith," Jonathan said, "TMI!"

ҖECWҖ

Xander sat in a chair inside the arena, staring at the wall. His arms were wrapped around his shoulders, seemingly giving himself a hug. On closer inspection, though, it was obvious that he was holding two things to his chest. They were the FTW and TV Titles, and he was holding them possessively, as if scared that they would fly away if he let go.

Strangely enough, while one would think that his thoughts were on those titles or on the match for the Tag Team Titles, or even on Faith, it wasn't. No, his thoughts were occupied by one singular event…Shane Douglas and his speech to Xander about gold.

Everyone wants the gold eventually, he had said. Xander was starting to see where he got that notion. There were times when it was all he could do to not go up to Taz and beat the shit out of him for his belt, or Sabu and Awesome for theirs. He hadn't cared about titles beforehand, hadn't cared about getting the gold. But, after gaining possession of the unofficial 'Fuck The World' Title, his lust for gold had bloomed. In his mind, it had always been there in some way. He felt it was akin to his desire for recognition and respect from Buffy, Willow, and Giles.

He also believed it was the driving force behind his actions when he had fought Rob, and damn near killed him. He had been tearing himself up inside over his actions, believing that he had gone too far when everyone, even Rob himself, told him that he had done nothing wrong. If that had been the case, then what was this burning, aching…lust he felt for gold? For recognition, for wealth, for glory, for whatever it was that these belts represented, he yearned for more. It had leaked into his life, like a cancer, to the point where there were days when he didn't know if he was himself or someone else. He was starting to become obsessed. He'd already lost it one day, when he'd challenged Sabu and Awesome to a match for the titles.

But, maybe that was the best thing to do. Maybe it was for the best to go ahead and win all the titles, that way he could see what it was like, realize that it wasn't as important as he had thought, and that way, he could beat whatever it was that was gnawing at him. Somehow, though, he didn't think it would be that easy. He would have to hold onto the TV Title till Rob got back, then he could let it go…the FTW Belt, however, was one that he wasn't sure he could part with. He didn't know why, but he just could not let it go, no matter what.

ҖECWҖ

Giles watched from his seat in his house as ECW continued on. It had become something of a tradition in his house, for himself, Cordelia, and Angel to gather and watch the wrestling program. Over time, he had become increasingly intrigued with the product and was quite infatuated with the character known as Tommy Dreamer. He reminded him a bit of himself, the man with the heart who fought like Hell but just couldn't break through that glass ceiling. Angel, on the other hand, had become quite the Super Crazy fan, loving the Mexican Luchadore's high-flying style of wrestling when compared to the hardcore wrestling that was the norm in ECW. They both were in agreement, though, that Lance Storm was their second favorite, as his technical prowess was very entertaining.

However, one man held a place in their hearts, with Cordelia especially cheering for Xander as he competed.

Both Angel and Cordelia had, however, expressed concern over his attitude in recent days. He had become more aggressive in his efforts to defeat Mike Awesome and Sabu, going so far to challenge them for their titles. He, however, felt that the young man simply wanted to get even, which he found perfectly understandable, considering what Sabu had done to him with that barbed wire.

He hissed and took in a breath in sympathy, wondering just how much that had to hurt. Still, even if vengeance wasn't the primary goal, he felt that Xander was simply trying to prove himself against his opponents, and the world. So, as far as he was concerned, at the end of it, Xander would be a healthier person for it, if in the long run.

A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts and he turned his recording off, standing up quickly to answer the door.

"Ah, William," Giles said with a…smile, for lack of a better term, "You've brought my earnings?"

"Yeah, Watcher," Willy said with a smile, handing him over an envelope full of money, "Boy, I love that kid of yours. All the old demons bet a shitload of money on him, and all the new ones bet a shitload more against him! Demons come through my bar every day, very few regulars, so that gives me a Hell of an income!"

"Indeed," Giles said, "Have you given Angel and Cordelia theirs yet?"

"Yep, I gave Angel both his and Cordelia's, they seem to be getting close to each other, if you know what I mean," Willy said with a wagging of his eyebrows.

"I'll have none of that, now," Giles said, "You're worse than a teenage girl."

"Ah, c'mon, don't be like that," Willy said, "Wouldn't it be juicy? The kid's ex, hooking up with the vampire that he hates with a passion! It'd be sweet!"

"Oh, fuck off," Giles said, pushing him out the door.

"Oh, hold on," Willy said, "We got some business to discuss."

"About," Giles asked, his tone displaying his lack of interest.

"The Slayer."

Giles peaked up at that, staring at him intensely, "You have my attention."

"That Slayer of yours," Willy continued, "If she ever finds out where Xander is…well, let's put it this way: you don't wanna see him hurt, and I only wanna see him hurt if it's profitable to me, and I doubt the Slayer picking him apart would be profitable for me in the long run."

"So long as we keep her from seeing the program, that should be no problem," Giles said.

"And, what if she sees it here," Willy said, "I can stop her from seeing it in my place, the demons would cause a distraction long enough to turn the TV off. But, here…here, she can just waltz in and find you watching it!"

Giles nodded, realizing that the barkeep had a point, "Indeed. However, Buffy very rarely comes to my home, even less so than before. And, if she ever were, Angel is usually here on ECW nights, so he can keep her distracted while I shut off the television."

"And, if he's too slow," Willy said, "Or you're too slow? What then, Watcher man?"

"…Then, we cross that bridge when we come to it," Giles acknowledged.

"…Fine," Willy said, "Just so we're clear…you know that she's gonna find out sometime? It can be on the Internet, on a magazine, on television, anywhere, but one day, she'll find out."

"Xander has no interest of staying in ECW after it hits national television," Giles responded, "You know this. We only have another month left before that happens, so I doubt we'll have that long to cover."

"I don't think so," Willy said, turning away, "I think the kid's getting to like it too much. I think he's gonna stay…as long as it turns a profit."

ҖECWҖ

A/N: Hard times have fallen, friends, and in order to compensate, I must lose the internet. Sadness. I'll try and get out the next chapter Sunday, but if it's not out, I'll try and get it out at another time. Enjoy.


	2. Chapter 2

Extreme Measures

Extreme Measures

Disclaimer: own nothing.

A/N: timeline is majorly screwed with.

Summary: Second installment of the 'Extreme Series.' A month and a half later, and Xander is questing for the gold. When does an obsession become unhealthy?

ҖECWҖ

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to ECW," Joey Styles said as ECW came back on the air, "Tonight, the Dark Slayer, Faith, is going to be taking on one-half of the ECW Tag Team Champions, the Homicidal, Suicidal, Genocidal Maniac, Sabu!"

The screen cut away Sabu, Awesome, and Fonzie, with Fonzie blowing his whistle like a madman.

"FAITH," Fonzie was shouting, "NO MATTER HOW DAMN SEXY YOU ARE, MY MAN SABU IS GONNA BEAT THE LIVING, BREATHING, PERCOLATING SHIT OUTTA YOU!!"

Sabu hefted his title up and pointed to the sky while Awesome and Fonzie did the same, Fonzie blowing his whistle along with them.

ҖECWҖ

The screen cut back from static a moment later, showing a boom box on a table. A feminine looking hand placed a cassette inside and pushed it in, and _Hell's Bells_ by _AC/DC_ came on. Slowly, the camera pulled back, focusing on Faith. She was leaning back in a steel chair, her feet up on the table, chewing on a piece of pink bubblegum, blowing the occasional bubble with it. She was dressed in her usual leather pants and a ripped up _White Zombie_ t-shirt, exposing part of her bra.

She stood up as soon as the drumming began to intensify on the boom box, then folded up the chair and placed it against the brick wall. She grabbed the boom box and placed it against the chair, positioned over a flickering fluorescent light, giving it an otherworldly aura as she did so. She disappeared from the screen for a moment, and the camera focused in on the boom box at an angle, letting you see all of it and most of the brick wall, but nothing else.

Suddenly, a liquid was poured all over the boom box, completely dousing it. The camera lifted up and focused on Faith, who was standing up from the floor. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a set of matches, then lit one up. She smiled into the fire for a moment before using that match to light the entire set on fire. She tossed them onto the boom box, and the camera focused on it as it began to burn up, Brian Johnson's voice ached out 'HELL'S BELLS' in a haunting sound as the tape began to burn.

The camera came up to Faith, and she stared into the flames for a long moment before turning to the camera. She smiled and blew a bubble with her gum, letting it up, then spat it into the fire. She stared into the fire for another moment before turning and walking away, even as the tape continued to play that eerie, broken tune in the fire. She paused for a moment at the end of the hallway, barely visible with the flames and flickering light before her, and turned around.

She pointed to the heaven's, mocking Sabu, and said, in a cold voice, "Satan's coming for you, Sabu."

With that prophecy given, she turned and walked away.

ҖECWҖ

"Wow, Faith," Jono said as his friend came back from doing her promo, "That was very dark, very moody."

"Eh, fire works for me," Faith said, shrugging, "Worked during the Nicole Bass shit, remember the Molotov cocktail?"

"Oh, yeah," Jono said with a grin, "I think it worked good, it'll definitely look good on the site."

"Cool," Faith said, looking around for a second, "Where's boytoy?"

"He's getting a quick workout," Jono answered, "He said he wants to be warmed up for your match with Sabu, in case Awesome decides to interfere."

"Aw," she said, "Boytoy's looking out for me."

"…Yeah," Jono said nervously.

"Jonathan," Faith said, her tone displaying her curiosity, "What?"

"…He also said that he wanted to make sure you didn't get hurt before your title match," Jono said, "He said…he…needed you whole."

Faith stared at him for a long moment before seemingly coming out of it and saying, "He can't have meant it like that…d'you think he meant it like that?"

"To be honest, I don't know," Jonathan said, "Certainly didn't make me feel good being around him, though."

"…Well, I'm sure he didn't mean it like that," Faith said, though it was obvious that this was more to herself than anyone else.

ҖECWҖ

_Huka Blues_ came on, and the crowd began to boo and cheer as Sabu and Fonzie headed for the ring, with Fonzie blowing his whistle as loudly as he could.

**TA GUEULE!! TA GUEULE!! TA GUEULE!!**

"Seems like these ECW fans in Montreal have had enough of Fonzie's whistle, and he's only been in the country for two days," Joey said with a laugh.

The fans went quiet for a moment as Sabu's music shut off, then started to simply get loud before, eventually, a chant sprang up.

**VIVE LA FAITH!! VIVE LA FAITH!! VIVE LA QUEBEC LIBRE!!**

Joey laughed before saying, "That's right, fans, these Quebec natives are chanting, in French, by the way, 'Long Live Faith' and 'Long Live Free Quebec.' Seeing as how this is ECW, and we're in Quebec, it only makes sense that these fans would be separatists!"

The fans continued this chant for a few moments before _You Shook Me All Night Long_ came on, and the fans went absolutely wild.

**VIVE LA FAITH!! VIVE LA FAITH!! VIVE LA FAITH!!**

Faith walked out from behind the curtain to ravenous applause, with Jono right behind her. Jono waved to the fans as Faith did the same, only pausing when he saw two blonde fans in the front, both dressed in trench coats and especially waving at him.

"What have we here," Joey said as Jono walked up to the two.

Jono tried to converse with them, but they only spoke French. Eventually, however, he got it when the two opened their trench coats, revealing matching bikinis designed after the Quebec flag.

**E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!!**

Jono stared at them for a moment before placing a hand over his heart and smiling, then shouting, "VIVE LA QUEBEC LIBRE!!"

The girls both jumped up at that, clapping as they did so.

**E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!!**

**VIVE LA QUEBEC LIBRE!! VIVE LA QUEBEC LIBRE!!**

Faith stood near the ring, watching with a smile as Jonathan successfully flirted with two French girls, in spite of the language barrier. Her amusement was brought to an abrupt end, however, as Sabu leapt over the ropes, flying down into her in a suicide dive!

**HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!!**

**E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!!**

Sabu was quickly back up and kicked Faith before she could move, sending her into the guardrail. Sabu took a few steps backward and ran forward, but Faith ducked down at the last second, causing Sabu to slam into the guardrail, painfully sending his leg through the bar. Faith quickly pulled the leg as far as it would go through the guardrail, then leapt up onto it and did a legdrop, sending Sabu's leg into the concrete as he moaned in pain.

**VIVE LA FAITH!! VIVE LA FAITH!! VIVE LA FAITH!!**

Sabu was able to get out of it, though, as Faith quickly got into the ring. She set up the chair that Sabu had used, then waited till Sabu was on his feet, then ran for the ropes and jumped off the chair, off the ropes, and into Sabu in a sick triple-jump plancha!

**HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!!**

**E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!!**

Faith was up quickly and Irish whipped Sabu into the ring, and she quickly followed him in. However, Sabu got the drop on her, leaping off the ropes and doing a springboard dropkick, sending Faith into the guardrail. Sabu, instead of simply doing another drop on her, waited for her to get into the ring. As soon as she was inside, the two began to circle each other, and Faith went for a side-headlock, but Sabu dodged. Sabu waited a moment before striking out at her with a low dropkick, but Faith dodged it. Sabu quickly backed up before she could get a chance to strike, then straightened himself up and stared at her. After a moment, he pointed towards the heavens…

…at which time, Faith promptly kicked him in the guy and DDT-ed him to the mat. She went for a cover, but Sabu quickly lifted his shoulder up before the ref could start counting. Sabu caught her head in a triangle choke, but Faith quickly got out of it and stood up. She went for a legdrop, but Sabu got out the way. He ran for the ropes and leapt onto them, doing a springboard dropkick that sent Faith down. Sabu quickly got onto her back and wrapped his arms around her neck and shoulders, locking in a camel clutch!

**SHEIK!! SHEIK!! SHEIK!! SHEIK!! SHEIK!!**

"These ECW fans in Montreal, showing their respects for Sabu's uncle, the Original Sheik," Joey said.

Faith managed to power out of it, sending Sabu to the other side of the ring as she did so. She quickly got to her feet and ran for the ropes, running back at Sabu and landing a vicious clothesline on him! Sabu, however, was quickly back to his feet and, as she turned around to continue her assault, dropkicked her in the chest, sending her rolling to the mat. Sabu followed up with a springboard legdrop, but Faith countered it, grabbing his leg as he tried to get up and pulling it back, locking in a single-leg Boston crab!

**VIVE LA FAITH!! VIVE LA FAITH!! VIVE LA FAITH!!**

Sabu, however, was quickly able to get to the ropes, forcing Faith to let go. Sabu was up in a flash and on the other side of the ring before Faith could attack. He turned around for just one moment to catch the chair that Fonzie had sent to him, and Faith ran at him, hoping to catch him off guard. Instead, Sabu simply turned and slammed the chair into her head, sending her down to the ground.

**HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!!**

**BAISE-TOI, SABU!! BAISE-TOI, SABU!!**

"These fans in Montreal certainly didn't like that," Joey said, "Faith is so incredibly over that anyone who does anything the fans don't like to her will hear about it!"

Faith blinked away the pain quickly and arched her back, flipping herself onto her feet. She looked up, seeing that Sabu was on the top rope, and quickly moved. She leapt up and grabbed Sabu's head in the crook of her arm, then brought his entire body head-first onto the mat in a thunderous DDT!

Faith went for the cover.

**UN…DEUX…-**

Sabu kicked out at two.

Faith lifted him up to his feet and Irish whipped him into the ropes, aiming to clothesline him, but Sabu countered, jumping onto her head as he did so and bringing her down in a headscissors takedown. Faith was up on her feet in an instant, but Sabu was too, jumping from the ropes and taking her down in a springboard crossbody. Faith pushed him off, though, and as he was climbing to his feet, Faith launched out a devastating kick to his midsection, sending him flying from one side of the ring to the other!

**HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!!**

**E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!!**

Faith quickly went outside the ring and set up a table, but before she could get into the ring, Mike Awesome came up behind her and slammed a steel chair into her back, sending her down to the floor as the fans booed out in protest.

"Awesome from behind," Joey said, "This guy is going to do everything he can to soften Faith up before their match!"

Awesome quickly pulled her up and set her up for a powerbomb in front of the table, only for someone to jump onto the table and dropkick him in his head, sending him flying into the guardrail.

"IT'S XANDER," Joey shouted, "XANDER MAKES THE SAVE!!"

Xander quickly got back to his feet and checked on Faith.

"You good," Xander asked.

"Yeah, boytoy," Faith responded with a smile as he helped her to her feet, "Thanks for the save."

"No prob," Xander said with a smile in return, "Now, get in there and kick Sabu's ass. I'll keep Awesome busy."

"With fucking pleasure," Faith said, a feral grin coming over her features.

Faith was in the ring in a flash, but Sabu was up long before then on the top rope. He leapt off of it, attempting to dropkick her into next year, but Faith managed to duck down. Moving with a speed that could only come with being the Slayer, Faith leapt onto the top rope and ran along the rope with a speed and balance that rivaled the best luchadore. Sabu didn't see her coming, so she snuck up behind him and jumped a good three feet into the air from the middle of the top rope, landing directly on Sabu's head. She wrapped her legs around his neck and as she fell, she pulled him down, flipping him twice in the air as she jacked his neck up in a hellacious hurricanrana!

Faith was through, though. She quickly got up and grabbed Sabu, who was painfully clutching his once-broken neck, and stood him up. She brought his face down into her crotch.

"I dunno whether to feel sorry for Sabu for what's about to happen to him," Joey said, "Or envy him for where he is right now!"

Faith smiled a sultry smile and proceeded to grind into Sabu's face, eliciting a positive response from the crowd.

**VIVE LA FAITH!! VIVE LA FAITH!!**

**E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!!**

Faith wrapped her arms around Sabu's midsection and easily lifted him up, with him sitting on her shoulders as she moved forward and threw him over the ropes and to the table on the concrete in a hellacious powerbomb!!

**HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!!**

"Oh, my God," Joey said, "Sabu got planted!"

Faith pulled him back into the ring and covered him.

**UN…DEUX…TROIS!!**

Faith lifted herself off of Sabu's prone form as the fans went nuts.

"Your winner," the announcer shouted out, "The Dark Slayer, FAITH!!"

_You Shook Me All Night Long_ came on as Xander and Jono both entered the ring, and Xander snuck up behind her, lifting her up onto his shoulders in celebration.

**VIVE LA FAITH!! VIVE LA FAITH!! VIVE LA FAITH!!**

**A-O-D!! A-O-D!! A-O-D!!**

"Ladies and gentlemen, the Army of Darkness formerly known as X-F-J are victorious," Joey said, "Stay tuned for more action as ECW continues!!"


	3. Chapter 3

Extreme Measures

Extreme Measures

Disclaimer: own nothing.

A/N: timeline is majorly screwed with.

Summary: Second installment of the 'Extreme Series.' A month and a half later, and Xander is questing for the gold. When does an obsession become unhealthy?

ҖECWҖ

"Yo, X-man," Rob greeted his friend as he entered his house in Michigan, "What's up, bro!"

Rob got out of his seat and walked over to his friend, who smiled as they clasped hands, wary of Rob's broken shoulder.

"Not much, man," Xander said, still smiling, "We're in town tonight, just dropping by to see how you're doing."

"Not too bad," Rob said, "Take a seat, I'll get us some beers. Don't even try," Rob said, preempting Xander's attempt to do it himself, "I'll get 'em. How many?"

"Faith's gonna be around in a few minutes," Xander said, taking a seat in front of Rob's television, where Rob was watching an old PPV of ECW, "Whatcha watching, man?"

"Barely Legal," Rob said with a grin as he came back inside, two beers in hand, "ECW's first pay-per-view."

"Cool," Xander said, leaning back in his chair as he accepted the beer, "Wow, that was back in the days where you couldn't go too far outta NYC."

"Yep, good times, man," Rob said, sitting down and taking a swig from his beer, "So, what's up, man?"

"…I'm kinda bugging out here, man," Xander said, setting his beer down and leaning forward in his seat, "Ever since I got the FTW Belt…I dunno, it's like I've got a one-track mind. I can't get thoughts of gold outta my head."

"Well, welcome to the world of wrestling," Rob said, clapping him on the shoulder as he did so, "Listen, bro, you've just gone through a natural thing that happens to every wrestler: they realize that they got what it takes to get the gold, and they want more gold, and they wanna keep the gold they already got. It's natural, man, but don't worry. It isn't debilitating or anything, it's just one of those things."

"Yeah, but…" Xander sighed, "Man…I'm starting to think about winning more than Faith. When she had her match with Sabu, I didn't make the save cause I was worried for her safety…I made the save cause I wanted her to win so we'd get an edge in our next match."

"Hmm…" Rob cupped his chin in thought for a moment, before turning to him and saying, "Alright, so winning's kinda taken the forefront in your mind. I get that, you're a competitor, and there's nothing wrong with that. But, if you're worried that you'll one day choose to sacrifice Faith in order to get the gold…I don't think you will, man. You got too much heart."

"I've been told that before," Xander said with a sigh, "But…I dunno, Rob, it feels like there's this…this _pull_ on my soul, telling me to ditch her if it means getting another belt."

"…I got two suggestions," Rob got up and walked over to his desk, opening up a drawer and pulling out a book, "One: tonight, after your match, don't stick around to watch Sabu's match. Take Faith to a restaurant and have a nice, romantic dinner. Remind her, and yourself, why you care about her so much."

Xander nodded. That was actually a pretty good idea.

"Two," Rob handed him the book, "Read this."

Xander took the book from him, looking at the front cover.

"_The Gunslinger_," Xander read, looking up at Rob as he did so, "Since when did Stephen King write westerns?"

"Just read it, bro," Rob said with a laugh, "You'll get what I mean. For now, let's watch my match with Lance Storm comin' up."

ҖECWҖ

Xander smiled to himself as he got off the phone. He had booked a table for two at an expensive Italian restaurant, recommended to him by Rob. It would cost him at least half a paycheck, but it was worth it. Faith was worth it.

"Hey, Xander," he turned around as Paul E came up behind him, a wild look in his eyes, "Listen, I know you were gonna face Awesome tonight, but he got caught up in the snowstorm and he won't be able to make it. So, instead, I'm booking you to face Super Crazy…and it's for your title."

Xander nodded, accepting it as he did so. He wasn't afraid to defend his titles on any occasion. Plus, Super Crazy was a luchadore from Mexico with a reputation to match his ring name. He truly did some insane things in the ring.

"Cool," Paul said with a grin, "Also, we've finally gotten you a new theme. It's another Van Halen song, but it works better for you, and it's slightly cheaper. I think you'll like it."

"Groovy," Xander remarked, having already heard the theme earlier and finding it agreeable.

"Also, check it," Paul said, presenting him with a t-shirt, "Your very own marketable t-shirt!"

Xander unfolded it and held it up to look at it. It was a rip-off of the _Army of Darkness_ box cover, with him standing in Ash's pose, with Faith in the pose of the girl with her hand wrapped around his leg. He was standing in an angled ring to match the poster, with a fake crowd in the background. At the bottom of the shirt, trying to reach up to him, were several wrestlers like Sabu, Taz, Jerry Lyn, Shane Douglas, and a few generic ones that he couldn't make out. He was holding a title belt, but it was generic and indefinable, but he was holding it straight out…sorta, like the chainsaw would be in the original cover. In the upper-right hand corner was an ECW banner. At the bottom of it was _Xander Harris_ in the same font as the _Army of Darkness_ was in the cover. Smiling, he turned it around, and there was a picture of him doing his signature pose with the phrase _Hail to the King, Baby_ surrounding him.

"This is kickass, Paul," Xander said with a smile, taking out a knife as he did so and cutting a few slices into it so it would expose his body. He looked up at Paul's odd look and said, "All my shirts have rips in 'em."

"True," Paul said, shaking it off, "Ok, Jono and Faith've got them, and Faith's shirt is almost done. Now, you're on!"

ҖECWҖ

_Mas Loco_ by _The Slashtones_ came on, and the fans in Battle Creek, Michigan lit up as Super Crazy came out.

**SU-PER CRA-ZY!! SU-PER CRA-ZY!!**

Super Crazy was dressed in his usual singlet, which covered his entire body save his arms and head. On his back, _Raza Azteca_ was written in green letters, while a purple ECW was on his lower back. He leapt into the ring as the fans ranted for him, got on the top rope, and clasped his hands together, showing respect for the fans.

"Ladies and gentlemen," the announcer started, "The following contest is scheduled for one-fall, and it is for the ECW World Television Championship! Introducing first, the challenger! He weighs in tonight at 215 pounds, hailing from Tulancingo, Hidalgo, Mexico! He is the Insane Luchadore! He is SUPER CRAZY!!"

**SU-PER CRA-ZY!! SU-PER CRA-ZY!!**

"Introducing next," the announcer continued, "Weighing in tonight at 242 pounds, he is the current ECW World Television Champion and the unrecognized FTW World Heavyweight Champion, hailing from la Boca del Inferno, California! He is the Hardcore King of Extreme, the X-man…he is XANDER HARRIS!!"

_Man on a Mission_ by _Van Halen_ came on, and the fans cheered less than they usually would due to the change in music. However, that changed once Xander walked out, dressed in his usual jeans and newly made ECW t-shirt, with the ECW TV Title wrapped around his waist.

**HAIL TO THE KING!! HAIL TO THE KING!! HAIL TO THE KING!!**

**E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!!**

**WE WANT THAT SHIRT!! WE WANT THAT SHIRT!!**

Joey laughed and said, "Well, if you want that t-shirt, go to !"

Xander climbed into the ring and got onto the top rope, flashing his sign to the crowd as they continued to go nuts. He came down off the rope and handed his TV Title to the ref. He backed up and shook hands with Super Crazy, and the two went to separate corners of the ring. The bell rang.

Xander and Crazy circled up and Crazy went for a standing dropkick, which Xander backed away from. Crazy rolled onto his feet, facing away from Xander as he did so, and jumped onto the top rope, attempting to do a springboard moonsault, which Xander dodged once more, causing Crazy to fall on his face. Xander ran for the ropes and attempted a baseball slide dropkick, but Crazy rolled away from him, causing Xander to fall out the ring and onto the concrete. Xander landed on his feet, however, and took a moment to gain his bearings. As he did so, however, Crazy leapt onto the top rope and did another moonsault, landing hard on Xander's back as he did so, sending the two down to the floor.

**FUCK HIM UP, CRA-ZY, FUCK HIM UP!!**

**FUCK HIM UP, X-MAN, FUCK HIM UP!!**

**E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!!**

"The fans are pretty divided on who they want to win," Joey commented.

Xander got up as quickly as he could, noting that Crazy was already up on the apron, preparing to do another moonsault. Xander ran forward and kicked Crazy's ankle, bringing him down to the ground. Xander got up on the guardrail and leapt onto the apron, jumped onto the second rope, and flipped off of it, landing on Crazy in a sick springboard moonsault. Crazy, however, pushed Xander off of him as quickly as possible and got back into the ring. Xander followed him inside, barely rolling out the way as Crazy tried to baseball slide him. Xander kicked Crazy in the chest as he stopped, then came to his feet and did a springboard legdrop, planting Crazy into the mat. He dragged him away from the ropes and covered him.

**ONE…-**

Crazy easily kicked out, and pushed Xander off of him. Crazy flipped himself to his feet, earning a round of applause from the fans. Xander flipped himself to his feet, earning another round of applause from the fans. Crazy, smiling at him, leapt onto the top rope and did a moonsault, landing on his feet and stopping, bowing down as he did so, earning more applause from the fans. Xander smiled at him and leapt onto the top rope and did a corkscrew moonsault, landing perfectly and bowed, earning himself more applause.

"Oh, come on," Joey shouted, "We're supposed to be having a wrestling match, not seeing who can outdo the other!"

Xander and Crazy did this a few more times, each time upping both elevation and moves. The fans were on their feet as Crazy jumped into the air, flipping himself in a rotation till he landed on the mat, balancing himself perfectly after having done a 900 degree rotation in midair and landing with ease.

**SU-PER CRA-ZY!! SU-PER CRA-ZY!!**

Xander, not to be outdone, leapt onto the top rope and walked to the middle of it, balancing himself easily. He raised one leg and kept himself balanced, then leapt off the rope with his one leg and flipped himself 10 times in midair, landing on the concrete in a perfect maneuver.

**XAN-DER HAR-RIS!! XAN-DER HAR-RIS!!**

Xander bowed a few times, reveling in the crowd's response. However, by doing so, he gave Super Crazy the perfect opportunity, and the luchadore took it, leaping off the top rope and driving an elbow into the back of his head, bringing the two down to the concrete.

**YOU FUCKED UP!! YOU FUCKED UP!!**

"These ECW fans are reminding Xander that you can't take your eyes off your opponent, no matter what," Joey said.

Crazy pulled Xander into the ring, then lifted him up to his feet. He Irish whipped him into the turnbuckle, then leapt up onto the second rope, standing in front of Xander as he did so. He began to punch him, and the fans counted down the punches!

**UNO!! DOS!! TRES!! CUATRO!! CINCO!! SEIS!! SIETE!! OCHO!! NUEVE!! DIEZ!!**

Crazy got off the second rope, and Xander came out of it like a bull, spearing Crazy to the ground. Xander flipped him over, and applied his single-leg Californian crab to him, causing Crazy to writhe in pain as he tried to get to the ropes. Instead, Crazy kicked Xander in the back of his head, sending him down to the mat. Crazy got to his feet, gingerly testing out his leg as he got the blood flow going, and quickly went down to the ground. He got a chair and climbed back into the ring and, as Xander stood, Crazy swung the chair at him. Xander, however, managed to duck down and got back-to-back with him, grabbed Crazy by his neck, and sat down, bringing Crazy to the mat in a neckbreaker.

Xander leapt up and did a springboard legdrop, then pulled Crazy away from the ropes and lifted him up. He Irish whipped him into the ropes and tried to catch him in a DDT, but Crazy shoulderblocked him, then leapt onto the ropes and landed on Xander in a springboard crossbody!

**UNO…DOS-**

Xander kicked out and tried to grab Crazy's head, but Crazy punched him, sending him back down to the mat. Crazy dragged him over to the turnbuckle, then leapt onto the bottom rope and did a moonsault onto him. Crazy got up and leapt onto the second rope, doing another moonsault onto him.

"Crazy's going for the Trifecta," Joey said, "Can he pull it off?"

Crazy leapt off the top rope, rotating in the air as he did so. Xander, however, leapt up and climbed onto the top rope, and as Crazy redirected his turn to land on his feet, Xander leapt off the drop and missile dropkicked Crazy, sending him rolling down onto the mat and into the ropes. Xander retrieved the chair and whacked Crazy in the head with it, then dragged Crazy into the center of the ring and placed the chair onto his body. Xander ran to the ropes and leapt onto them, jumping off in a corkscrew moonsault, landing perfectly on Crazy and driving the chair into his body. Xander tossed the chair off him and covered him.

**ONE…TWO…THR-**

Crazy kicked out. Xander sighed and picked up the chair again, pelting Crazy in the head with it to keep him down. Xander climbed down to the ground and reached underneath the ring, pulling out a table as he did so. He tossed it into the ring and got back inside, dodging Crazy's dropkick as he did so. Once Crazy got back to his feet, Xander kicked him in the abdomen then DDT-ed him to the ground. He went over to the table and placed it on the bottom rope, leaving it slightly elevated on one side. He dragged Crazy over to it, hitting him with the chair again as he did so, then left the ring. He went underneath the ring and pulled out a ladder, gaining applause from the fans as he did so. He tossed the ladder into the ring and set it up, then flashed the X symbol.

"SHOP SMART," Xander shouted.

**SHOP S-MART!!**

Xander climbed the ladder, preparing to end the match as he did so, but Crazy leapt up and climbed the other side of the ladder as he did so. Crazy and Xander engaged in a mini-fist fight at the top, with both men trying to knock the other down. Eventually, Crazy grabbed ahold of one of the steps and pressed back, sending his legs into the air. He drove them down and kicked through the empty spaces between the steps, kicking Xander in his chest and sending him to the ground.

**HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!!**

Crazy ascended to the top of the ladder and raised his hands up to the fans, then leapt off the top of the ladder in a moonsault…Xander, however, moved out of the way, causing Crazy to hit the concrete full-force!!

**HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! CALL THE MORGUE!! CALL THE MORGUE!! CALL THE MORGUE!!**

"I kinda agree with what the fans are saying," Joey said, "But, I'm hoping we just need an ambulance!"

Crazy, however, got back to his feet after a few moments, earning a loud burst of applause from the fans. Xander, seeing that his opponent was alright (for the most part), Irish whipped him into the ring, then placed him on the table. Xander climbed the ladder and got on top of it. He judged the angle for what he was about to do, then turned around so that he was facing away from Crazy. He leapt off the ladder, rotating in the air in a corkscrew moonsault, landing on Crazy and sending him through the table in a devastating maneuver!!

**HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!! HOLY SHIT!!**

**HAIL TO THE KING!! HAIL TO THE KING!! HAIL TO THE KING!!**

**E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!!**

Xander covered him.

**ONE…TWO…THREE!!**

Xander got off of Crazy as the announcer called out his victory. Crazy slowly sat up, shaking his head to clear it as he did so. Crazy looked around for a moment before facing Xander and saying something in Spanish that Xander didn't understand, though he did catch 'match.'

"…Yeah, it was a Hell of a match," Xander said, guessing that was what he said.

Crazy said a few more things before extending his hand to Xander, and Xander took it, saying, "Right back at ya."

Crazy stood up and raised Xander's hand, then left the ring, letting Xander celebrate his win as _Man on a Mission_ came on.


	4. On The Road

Extreme Measures

Extreme Measures

Disclaimer: own nothing.

A/N: timeline is majorly screwed with.

Summary: Second installment of the 'Extreme Series.' A month and a half later, and Xander is questing for the gold. When does an obsession become unhealthy?

ҖECWҖ

Xander leaned back in the SUV as he read the book that Rob had given him. Faith was next to him, sleeping on his shoulder with her arms wrapped around his waist. His FTW and TV Titles were both in his lap, along with his food. Jono was in the back, sleeping on his side of the back. Little Guido and Tony Mamaluke of the FBI were both in the back as well, playing a game of go fish. Tommy was driving to their next destination in North Carolina, and interestingly enough, Beulah was in the seat beside him. She was finally ready to come back to the ring, after nearly a quarter of a year away.

"Why do we gotta have those two in here," Beulah asked quietly, though she didn't need to as both Guido and Tony were busy cussing each other out about one or the other cheating.

"Faith likes having them around," Tommy said with a shrug.

"But, they're assholes," Beulah said.

"Yeah, they are," Xander agreed, "But, Faith thinks they're cool, so she likes having 'em around."

"I get why you don't mind, you're her boyfriend," Beulah said, "But, Tommy…why?"

"I owe them money," Tommy said with a shrug, "This way, I don't gotta pay them back."

Beulah stared at him for a moment, then shrugged. Sighing, she turned back to Xander.

"So, big day comin' up," she said to him, "You and Faith, going up against Sabu and Mike for the tag team belts."

"Yep," Xander said with a smile, "Really lookin' forward to it, too. Those two assholes deserve to lose their belts."

"Sabu doesn't, but Awesome sure does," Tommy commented.

"Why not Sabu," Xander asked.

"He's just a wrestler, doing what a wrestler should," Tommy said with a shrug, "Awesome's a dick, on the other hand."

"He may be a dick, but he's a tough one," Xander remarked, "It's gonna take a lot for me and Faith to take him down."

"So, you and Faith are gonna be tag team champions, hopefully," Beulah said, "That'd be nice to have a female champion around here. ECW doesn't have much in the way of women's divisions."

"Eh, if Faith wanted to, she could be the World Heavyweight Champion," Xander said, kissing Faith on the forehead as he did so, eliciting a sleepy moan from her.

"Ah, that's sweet," Beulah said, "But, never happen. Not with guys like Awesome and-"

"Honey," Tommy interrupted her, "She beat Sabu."

"…Holy crap," Beulah looked at Faith in a new light, "Wow…that'd be cool."

"It can't happen," Tommy said, earning a look from Beulah, "It's nothing against Faith or women, for that matter, it's due to the nature of the title. You gotta either be a certain weight or qualify for it in some other way. I think if Paul E had a tournament for Number One Contender, then Faith would be a shoe-in."

"I do happen to agree," Xander said with a smile, "Though, I'd like to think I'd have a shot at it."

"Yeah, you are kinda interested in titles these days," Tommy noted, "What's up with that?"

"I dunno," Xander said with a sigh, "After I won the FTW Title, it's like this light went on and it's blinding me. The only way to get it outta my eyes is to win titles."

"I've never won a title," Tommy said, "I've tried, but I never have. I get that it can drive you mad at times. You just gotta remember what's important."

Xander stared down at Faith for a long moment, then turned his attention to the book…or pretended to, as his gaze was firmly affixed to his belts. It was a problem…he wasn't sure which one meant more anymore.

ҖECWҖ

Francine stared at him as he got out of Dreamer's vehicle. It was taking too long…he should have succumbed to the curse already. She KNEW that Faith wasn't willing to go along with what the curse had in store. Still, tonight, so long as he lost…well, the curse would do what it does best…make him lash out.

ҖECWҖ

"Hey, boytoy, do you wanna go out for a bite to eat before tonight," Faith asked.

Xander was currently hanging upside-down on a bar, doing sit-ups in a vertical manner.

"Sorry, Faith, can't right now," Xander said, "Gotta get warmed up for the match tonight."

Faith lost her smile for a moment, taking on a crestfallen look, but she quickly recovered, saying, "It's cool, X. Think I should do that too?"

"Couldn't hurt," Xander commented, too focused on working out and the match coming up.

"…I'm gonna go get a drink," Faith said, "You want one?"

"Water, if ya can," Xander said, continuing in his sit-ups, "Thanks, babe."

"No problem," Faith said a little stiffly as she walked away.

She followed along the corridor, coming to a stop as she spotted Jono, who was flirting with the new girl in ECW, girl named Amy Dumas. Faith didn't think much of her, but that didn't mean anything.

"Hey, Jono, quit flirting for minute," Faith said, collapsing into a seat next to him.

"Faith, c'mon," Jono said, smiling a polite smile at her.

"No, it's ok, I should get going anyway," Amy said, "It was good talkin' to you. Call me…"

"Absolutely," Jono said, flashing her a dazzling smile that had Amy blushing at him as she walked away.

"Wow, you're getting to be quite the stud, ain'tcha," Faith noted with a sly grin.

"Eh, I get around," Jono said, pulling out a card that undoubtedly had Amy's number on it, "I dunno, after Kimona and me…it's like…like I've got this confidence now, y'know."

"You didn't happen to be a virgin then, did you," Faith asked, mildly curious.

At his lack of response, she turned to him, noting that he was somehow looking both proud and embarrassed.

"Jonathan Michelle Levinson," Jono glared at her for the use of his middle name, "You are not expecting me to believe that your first time was with Kimona…who, if memory serves, called you a 'stallion.'"

"…She was my first," Jono admitted in a huff, then he smiled, "But, definitely not my only."

Faith laughed at him, then sobered up, "Look…I think you're right about X. Something's up with him. Y'know, he very rarely works out. Now, there isn't an hour we got free when he's not in the gym. It sucks…I miss him."

"…Look on the bright side," Jono said, "You and Xander win those belts, and you and he will probably go right back to normal. This is probably just a phase, Faith. Ride it out and you both'll be better for it."

"…Yeah, you're probably right," Faith tried to sound convinced, but it sounded weak even in her own ears.

ҖECWҖ

Xander took a break a few hours before his match, which was the second to last match on the card. He couldn't wait, in just a few hours, he and Faith would become the ECW Tag Team Champions. Then, who knows, maybe he could go after the ECW Championship.

At the moment, however, Xander was immersed in Rob's book. He'd gotten pretty far into the book, noting that the main character, Roland (the book finally revealed his name about halfway in) was very interested in the Man in Black, as well as something called the Dark Tower. It almost bordered obsession…

Xander paused in his reading, wondering if this was what Rob had meant by giving him the book. Did this gunslinger's obsession with both the Man in Black and the Dark Tower have some deeper meaning, something that Rob saw in Xander?

Sighing, he decided to continue reading, pausing only to wonder where Faith was.

ҖECWҖ

Francine stared across the room with a smile. She could see it working…the belt was taking him…soon, he would be hers.

ҖECWҖ

Faith walked back up to the arena with a spring in her step. She was in a damn good mood after going out to the cemetery and staking some vamps. She'd gotten two in less than twenty minutes, and now she was going to kick Mike Awesome and Sabu's asses, then she was goin' to make love to her man. She idly wished she felt this awesome all the time, but then noted that she'd be hornier than she usually was, which was very dangerous for her man…though, he'd definitely die with a smile on his face.

She began to dance as she walked, hearing Eric Clapton's _Cocaine_ as she came closer to the arena. She danced along with the beat as she came up to the entrance, where three guys were standing around the entrance. She sauntered up to them and continued dancing, prompting the three guys to start moving along with her. Before she got too into the beat, though, she noticed who one of them was, particularly after seeing that his arm was in a sling.

"Rob," Faith shouted, and she quickly hugged her friend, who hugged her back with equal enthusiasm…almost.

"Ow, watch the arm, Faith," Rob said, and she quickly backed up, calming down as she saw him laughing, "Damn, I'd forgotten what a grip you got."

"Yeah," she turned to the longhaired dude in a black skullcap, who was smiling at her in a slightly perverted manner, "Wonder how you got to know about her grip?"

Rob laughed and idly slapped him upside the head, "Man, don't you know anything? This girl here would kick your ass in less time than it takes her to apply her lipstick."

"I don't have a problem with her kickin' my ass," the man said with a smile, causing Faith to role her eyes as his big friend with the long jacket and backwards baseball cap smiled and nodded.

"Rob, who are these douche bags," Faith asked her friend.

"Oh, where are my manners," Rob chuckled, "These two are my blunt connection in New Jersey. Faith, say hello to Jay," the longhaired dude winked at her, "And Silent Bob," the big guy nodded to her.

"Jay and Silent Bob," Faith wondered, "Sounds like a bad B-movie."

"You're one to talk," Jay said, taking a puff of his blunt and passing it on to Rob, "Your boyfriend always going 'shop smart, shop s-mart' and shit, acting like that fuckin' pussy named _Ashley_."

Silent Bob slapped his shoulder and gave him a look.

"Alright, that guy's a badass," Silent Bob nodded in satisfaction, "But, you gotta admit that movie coulda been better."

"Course it coulda been better," Rob said with a grin, handing Silent Bob the blunt, "But, considering the budget it had, I'd say it was pretty damn good as it was."

"True that, man," Jay said, turning to Faith, "So, what's the deal? You gonna go and kick some ass tonight?"

"You know it," Faith said with a grin.

"Alright, you go kick that ass," Jay said with a grin, "Then, you can come back here and slap this ass," Jay slapped his own ass, earning a laugh from Rob and a shake of the head from Silent Bob.

"Jay, the only way Faith would ever tap your ass is if your head ever came outta it," Rob said with a laugh, earning a slight chuckle from Silent Bob and a glare from Jay.

"Boy, you guys are a hoot and a half," Faith said, smiling at them, "Are you guys gonna see the show?"

"I am," Rob said, "I'll be in the booth with Joey all night."

"We'll be out here, sellin'," Jay said casually.

"Well, that's no fun," Faith said with a frown, "Tell ya what, I'll let you guys in as my personal guests, how's that sound?"

"Far out," Jay said with a grin, before fixing her with a serious look, "Do you wanna fuck us?"

"Not if you two were the last men on Earth," Faith said with a shit-eating grin.

"Oh," both Jay and Bob looked depressed at that, but Jay perked up and said, "That chick Francine's back there! Boy, you know she's the slut!"

Bob nodded enthusiastically along with him.

"Tell ya what," Faith said, evil thoughts bouncing around her brain, "I'll show you her private dressing room. You two can surprise her."

Jay and Bob looked like they'd both gone to heaven.

Jay said, "SCORE!"

Bob said, "Thanks."

"No prob," Faith said with a grin, "I gotta get inside, so, if y'all are comin'…"

"Right behind you, Faith," Rob said, and the four walked inside.

ҖECWҖ

"Ladies and Gentlemen of Red Bank, New Jersey," Joey paused as the fans lit up, "Good evening, and welcome to another edition of ECW! I'm Joey Styles."

**JOEY!! JOEY!! JOEY!! JOEY!!**

"Thanks, you guys," Joey said with a smile, "Tonight, boy do we have a treat for you! Tonight, ECW World Heavyweight Champion, Taz, is taking on Justin Credible for the ECW World Heavyweight Championship!"

**TAZ!! TAZ!! TAZ!! TAZ!! TAZ!!**

"And, for the first time ever, a woman shall challenge for an ECW Title," Joey said, "Tonight, the Hardcore King of Extreme-" he broke off as the fans started chanting.

**HAIL TO THE KING!! HAIL TO THE KING!! HAIL TO THE KING!!**

"Xander Harris," Joey picked up after they calmed, "and the Dark Slayer," he didn't even try to continue, he just let them go.

**FAITH!! FAITH!! FAITH!! GOTTA HAVE…FAITH!!**

"Faith," Joey picked up, "Are challenging the ECW World Tag Team Champions, Sabu and Mike Awesome for the belts!"

The fans lit up at that, till eventually a chant sprang up.

**E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!!**

"And, best of all," Joey said, "Tonight, there is a special guest with me on commentary. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the Whole Fuckin' Show,

"**ROB…VAN…DAM!!"**

_Walk_ by _Pantera _came on.

**RE…SPECT!! WALK!! WHAT DID YA SAY!!**

**RE…SPECT!! WALK!! WHAT DID YA SAY!!**

**RE…SPECT!! WALK!! WHAT DID YA SAY!!**

Rob walked out from the back, his arm in a sling, dressed in jeans and a 4:20 t-shirt. He slapped hands with a bunch of the fans as he made his way to the ring, and once he was in there, he shook hands with Joey and got on the top rope. He stretched out his good arm and pointed his thumb at himself.

"**ROB…VAN…DAM!!"**

Rob got back down off the rope and walked around, then pulled out a microphone as his music came to an end. Before he could speak, though, a chant sprung out.

**WHOLE FUCKIN' SHOW!! WHOLE FUCKIN' SHOW!! WHOLE FUCKIN' SHOW!!**

After the fans quieted, Rob raised the microphone back up.

"That's right, it's me, Rob Van Dam, the Whole Fuckn' Show, Mr. Monday Night, Pay-Per-View, and a lotta other nicknames," Rob said with his usual grin, "Tonight, I'm not gonna be in the ring! Now, don't cry, RVD has got some more healin' up to do, but I'll be back soon enough. Till then, ECW just has to soldier one without it's main attraction, yours truly. Tonight, though, ECW is gonna be carried, or rather Joey Styles is. Now, no offense to you, Joe-Joe, but while you got the whole 'CATFIGHT, CATFIGHT,'" Rob screeched, imitating Joey's voice, "and 'OH, MY GOD,' tonight, you're gonna get a taste of the 4:20!"

The fans lit up again as Rob dropped his mic, followed by _Walk_ coming back on as Joey held open the ropes for him to get out.

**E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!! E-C-DUB!!**


End file.
